Letter to my unmarried sister

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

Assalamu’alaikum Beautiful,

I pray that you are in perfect health and the best of Iman. I write you today because I have some things I want you to know or maybe just remind you in case you have forgotten.

Marriage is something we all hope for, wish for and long for and sometimes we expect it to just happen for us. I mean, is that not what comes next right after or even before getting a degree in the stages of life?  In all honesty, it is not our birthright. It is a Mercy from Allah (SWT).

I need you to understand that you are loved, wanted, talented, lovable, confident and amazing. You are worthy. You are beautiful. You were created by Al-Khaliq, and He did not only create you, He designed (Al-Bari) and fashioned you (Al-Mussawir). You, my lovely are a masterpiece MashaAllah!

You being unmarried for whatever reason – whether you just have not found your match, or you are divorced, or no one has come forward to show interest is not a punishment. It is important to me that you know that you are not still single because of some flaw in you or because you are not enough. You are pretty enough, smart enough, and funny enough.

Allah does not hate you and No! It is not because of the sins of your past that you are unmarried. SubhanAllah! Allah is Al-Wahhab (the bestower of gifts) but His gifts aren’t merited, just as much as His withholding is not punishment. You are single because God’s plan for you is greater than anything you could ever dream up for yourself. His love for you is incredible and He gives you what He deems best for you in His time.

This is a test from Allah and Allah tests those he loves. You have to trust that He would only give you what is the best for you and this may not have manifested as a husband yet but know that Allah has responded to your du’a. Its okay to long for it, to cry if you must but just don’t despair in His Mercy. Be open with your feelings to your Rabb, and remember nothing is lost with Him. He is the source of peace (As-Salam) and you need to find your peace and confidence through Him. Turn to your Rabb and His book. Read what he has to say to you.

It was narrated by Anas bin Malik that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

“The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.” [Vol. 5, Book 36, Hadith 4031]

I also want to apologize on behalf of the insensitive ones among us. Those who see you happy, confident and put together and find a subtle or not-so-subtle way to remind you of the one thing you do not have. Some of it comes from a place of love. Yeah! I know you don’t believe that, but it is true. Some constantly undermine your achievements, they make such comments like ‘if only you had a husband’ and even tell you your success is only because you are single. When your success is indeed in spite of the fact that you are single. You see, it’s the one thing you don’t have but Allah has given you so much more.

You are strong indeed. I mean, you go through the foul mouth of people, their judgement, their undermining of your successes but you still show up and hide your tears with a delightful smile. May Allah increase you in patience and strength. Amin

Marriage isn’t the end. It is the means to an end. The end we want is Jannah, where no eyes have seen. So do not waste your precious time sitting and sulking over what you do not have, Allah has already given you all you need to journey towards Jannah. So start walking today, pick up the pace, and walk towards your goal. It is okay if you need to stop for a minute but never take your eyes on the goal ~ JANNAH. There it would be all worth it.

What your heart truly desires is to serve, worship and gain closeness to your Rabb. To be honest, some of us might have to live our whole lives as single women and if that happens, then know that is the best thing for you. Yes! I know it is hard to see that right now. Trust Him and Surrender to His will. Who says only married women can serve Allah?

I pray that Allah gives you not just a man but THE MAN. The one who would grow with you and help you grow. He would love you, be your friend and an amazing leader to your family. He would be the best father to your children and SubhanAllah! the wait would be so worth it. Amin.

Lastly, I need you to let this sink into you. Chant it as you ride to work or walk to the gym or just get through your classes, “you are exactly where you need to be”. You are an amazing woman and your patience is known and will not go unrewarded in sha Allah.

 

With all my love,

Nana